I AM GOING TO BE *doom-doom-doom* DEEP and MEANINGFUL

Do you remember when i told you I wnated to give my bro a hug and maybe call him to say the typical corny phrase of "I love you"? Well I'm glad i didn't!

He is now home - after five years of being away. He left when i was in year 9 and that was 2002 around April. I then Saw him in year 11 around june/july for a max of three days...and since that time he has been with multiple girls...but since my last visit he has gained a woman friend who he is "engaged" to (not sure if thats still going on?) and some child which IS NOT HIS...he is in denial you see - so i thought i'd re-itterate that incase he catches my scent on the net and tracks me down!

But anyway - when i heard he was coming back - according to many past conversations i really did want - but when i heard it was official (it happened suddenly you see - it was all decided with 5 days) i was not overly excited at all. Since he left so much has changed - my family (it was only mum, dad and myself here) we all evolved, changed, developed...grew into different people in my opinion...and in his defence, james did as well.

But I did not wnat him to feel like when he came home it would be all cupcakes and smarties with ballons...it was going to be new and different - or one thing my dad has retired and my mum is a lot more involved with household maintence and has really taken advantage of her artistic abiliies - not to mention more sociable.

What happened though - was he has changed - he smokes and he drinks a shameful amount in MY OPINION...and i feel he doesn't take enough, for want of a better word, advantage...of my parents time. I wnat him to spend time with them, eat at the table and choose to take a part of their life as they have always tried to be apart of his!

I just feel he uses them and expects them to pay for him all the time, to save his ass and just be what "stereotypical" parents do NAG. My parenst are not like that if you do what is expected of you, grow into a responsible being and respect them - then i think it works out. Parents are not around for ever and so you must try and learn as much as you can i suppose - I really would like too.

James on the other hand - he has never been one to sit at a table for a family dinner and says things are borring - eg. one trip we went to the rainforest and we'd say "lets go down here..." or " do you wnat to drive there" and he'd say "why...its just trees...oh look a tree, a tree and another tree!~" he'd always...ALWAYS sit in the car and just "chill" to music. And he hasn't grown out of that...which is sad!

The thing that bit the bullet though was this...
about a week ago i said hello to him and he was downloading trailers and what not from youtube.com and i said the following:
why don't you hang out with mum and dad
"why"
they are your family
"i miss my family"
mum and dad are your family
"not my reeeal family"
yes they are
"no they are not - mine are in england"
no - mum and dad are your real family...
"uh no they're in england so and so are my family now"
"so and so isn't even your son"

and he hung up - i havent spoken to him since.

I am quite upset with the fact he hasn't gotten over it yet - and that he isn't mature enough to forgive me.

If he can't understand why i was so offended that i needed to voice my opinion with his relationship with the "so and so" people then i guess i don't believe i should appoligise!!!

suck on those potatoes!!!!

SORRY DAD IF YOU DO READ THIS i will delete it soon


me being all emo - i appoligise check the definition